| Make Clear What's Entitled and What's a Privilege |
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My kids, like a lot of others I know, seem to think that they are naturally entitled to just about anything they want...television time, computer time, ballet classes, team sports (with all the latest equipment), the coolest Nikes, their own cell phone, a DS, etc. You've heard it, "But everyone in my class has one! I'm the only one that doesn't have one!" I've found it helpful to continually remind them that what they (and all children) are entitled to is the following: Food, clothing, shelter, basic education and love. Everything else is a privilege. This lesson seemed nearly impossible for them to really get until I started a system for reinforcing it. Just explaining it over and over didn't seem to get me anywhere. So, I've found it helpful to create a some sort of a system whereby they can earn all desired privileges. For younger kids sticker charts work pretty well. Tasks or behaviors you are encouraging should be determined by you...but with their input. They need to buy into it and conceive of it being doable. They will then have to do a set number of those items every day to earn whatever it is they are desiring...whether that's TV time, computer or game time, dance lessons or a season of soccer. Determine beforehand how many stickers they must get to earn their privilege, and keep track by going over the chart every evening and applying stickers in the appropriate spots. At the top of my kids' chart I've written out the difference between a "right" and a "privilege" to reinforce the message every day. For older kids a "token economy" system might work better. Maybe they earn tickets that you keep in a jar. When they earned enough tickets by doing however many items you've agreed on, they can "cash" them in for the priviege. You might want to keep track of this in a journal or book that you and your child can access everyday. Clearly write out how many stickers equal what privilege so there is no confusion. I've found this system helps my kids to think of anything "extra" as a privilege they must earn...rather than a neccessity I must provide.
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